Sunday, June 01, 2008

Weekend Cat Blogging: Mom's A Crazy Lady

I'm not sure what has been going on around here this weekend with Mom.

On Friday, she didn't come home until almost 1 AM! All because she only had to work half a day. Her office goes to something called "summer hours" on Memorial Day. So what did she do? She left me all alone so she could go to The City to go to a special showing of the movie, "Sex and The City" with that guy who is always bringing over to our house that fizzy wine with a cork that makes a huge "pop" sound. That wine bottle opening causes me to go hide under the couch. Mom said he does that because he works for a company that makes the stupid stuff and she likes him because he makes her laugh and feel good about herself. But, if he keeps making those bottles go pop I'm going to have to bite his ankles the next time he comes over.

Anyways, after being ignored all night on Friday what did Mom do on Saturday? She got up way too early for a Saturday morning so she could jog to the beach before it rained and get to the place called "The Screen Shop" before they closed at noon. She said she was going to bring me home a surprise but I didn't see any tuna or special treat bags from the butcher in her hand. Besides not bringing me a treat, she woke me from my mid-morning nap on her pillow so she could change the sheets and clean the house.

I hate it when she cleans the house because I can't find a place she won't bug me. If I'm on the couch, she wants to fluff the pillows and shake out the dust cover. If I'm in the kitchen, she's mopping the floor. I can't even hide in the bathtub because she wants turn on the water and spray some yucky smelling foaming bubbles in the tub. It is kind of like a bath.... I am not amused. But the worst thing she does is she gets that big noisy sucking monster out of the closet and chases me around the house with it. To add insult to injury, she also decided my claws needed clipping before she chased me with monster called "The Vacuum". I showed her though by scratching her arms with my back paws while she clipped my front claws. I'll bet she won't be clipping my claws any time soon again!

I'm not sure what she did on Saturday night because after all the trauma I just wanted to sleep on the bed with the warm sheets. I made her work hard to make the bed too. I was lying right in the middle where she wanted to put the sheets and she kept saying that something called "Sara" was waiting on skype for her. Serves her right for not letting me get enough sleep all day. Don't tell Mom this but I kind of like the house after she finishes cleaning because the wood floor in the hall is really slippery after she mops it and I can get good skids down the hall when I run to the bedroom!

Today we slept until almost 8am but I was hungry and Mom wasn't moving very much. So, I had to do something to get her attention. Yesterday while she was cleaning she cleared off the night stand right next to the bed of all those cookbooks and six months of food magazines. The only thing that was on her nightstand was her alarm clock, her cellphone and a glass of water leaving just enough room for me to jump up there to look out the window and meow at the squirrels that were making enough racket to wake the dead. Just as I was mid-air in my leap the water glass moved in my way blocking my landing pad. Boy, was Mom pissed!! I tried to explain it wasn't me but the "other cat" that lives here. She kept telling me there is no other cat that lives here but I know there is because I would never jump up on a piece of furniture I'm not suppose to. Anyways, after Mom got finished mopping up the water and changing the pillow cases that were soaking wet, I got fed. I kept trying to tell her if she had just woken up when I was ready for breakfast the other cat wouldn't have had to wake her up by throwing water on her face. Jheesh....

I haven't seen much of her since she made her coffee and granola with bananas. She has spent most of the day on the back porch reading the Sunday New York Times, some dumb book about a normal day in the lives of working women, reading food magazines, napping in the sun and getting drunk on that stupid fizzy wine mixed with orange juice.

She did come in around 2pm to slice some zucchini and yellow squash she picked up at a farmers market yesterday and dunk it in Italian dressing so she could grill it with hamburgers later tonight. I think that guy with the noisy wine bottles is coming over too because she took a shower a bit ago, asked me if the new summer dress she bought at Kohls made her look fat, and told me to behave myself. I'm sure glad she fixed my scratching pole because I think I'd better go sharpen what is left of my claws.

At least she put the new screen in the front window so I can now sit all the way in the window and watch the squirrels, birds and bunny rabbits in the yard.

She said it was my present because now I won't fall out the window but I think I would have rather had some tuna...

To go see what all the other kitties are up to this weekend, go visit Megan and the BadKittyCats because they are hosting this installment of Weekend Cat Blogging.